The Unspoken Burden: Motherhood and the Search for Safe Spaces

Today's post takes a detour from travel, delving into a topic close to my heart: the often-unacknowledged mental and emotional burden of motherhood. A few nights ago, I found myself desperately searching Google, "Where do you go when you feel utterly depleted as a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, etc.?" The usual answers surfaced: "Talk to your partner," "Prioritise self-care," and so on. But none of these truly resonated. I yearned for a safe haven, a space where I could voice my anxieties without fear of judgment, without the people in my life discovering and misinterpreting my struggles. Sadly, such a place seemed nonexistent.

Eventually, a quiet voice within me whispered, "You go to God when you feel depleted." As a Christian, this brought a moment of solace. I poured out my feelings in prayer and continued with my evening.

Yet, the question lingered: why is it so taboo to openly discuss the challenges of motherhood, wifehood, daughterhood, and sisterhood? Why do we, as women, face such perceived or real judgment when we dare to voice our struggles?

Since that night, I've only shared these feelings with one person: my sister. She understands me. She's a safe harbour, offering both a listening ear and wise counsel. Her empathy allows me to vent without fear.

But what about those women who lack a sister, a trusted friend, or a supportive partner? I wanted to use this platform to offer validation and practical ways to navigate the mental and emotional weight of motherhood.

The Paradox of Motherhood: Beautiful and Lonely

I intentionally use "and," not "but," here. Drawing from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, I recognise that seemingly opposing realities can coexist. Motherhood is a tapestry woven with both profound beauty and isolating loneliness. Those middle-of-the-night feedings, the days spent at home while the world seems to move on, the feeling of being unsupported even amidst support—these are common experiences, especially in the early stages of motherhood. Even seasoned mothers grapple with these moments of solitude.

The Illusion of Support: Overwhelmed Despite Help

This realisation took time. I initially believed that having help equated to ease. However, I've discovered that support systems often come with their own demands. Gratitude can morph into obligation, and the need to reciprocate can become draining. For privacy's sake, I won't delve into specifics, but when the demands of your support system outweigh the benefits, mental and emotional depletion sets in.

Navigating the Burden: Seeking Solutions Together

This is a journey I'm still on, I'm learning about what works and I'd love to hear your insights.

• Seek help: Some days, help is a simple, whispered prayer. Other days, it's a vulnerable conversation with your partner, expressing your need for more support. Sometimes, it's a tearful phone call to a trusted friend or family member. And sometimes, it's seeking professional therapy. Whatever help looks like for you, please, seek it.

• Validate your feelings: Your emotions are valid. Your experiences are real. Don't let anyone diminish your feelings of overwhelm, stress, or depletion. You can simultaneously love being a mother and struggle with the demands it places on you. These feelings can coexist.

• The power of a safe space: It is transformative to connect with other mothers who truly understand. If you're struggling to find that space, consider creating one—online or in person. You might be surprised at how many others are searching for the same connection.

Let’s keep creating safe spaces for honest conversations about motherhood. I would love to hear about how you are navigating the mental and emotional demands of this role.

I hope this post resonates with someone out there. Remember, you are not alone.

Be well,

JJ